10 Truths We MUST Teach Our Sons

A few months ago I read a great blog article entitled "Seven Things We Must Tell Our Daughters."  It was so helpful to me as a Father of 2 daughters.  As I've thought through that article since then it occurred to me that the reason every generation of young women has increasing struggles with a healthy body image, self-respect, and purity is partially, if not near fully, due to males refusing to be men.

Sadly we are living in a culture that is embracing males who refuse to be men.  A generation where males are believing it acceptable to act like teenagers well into their 40's and the women they chase romantically are supposed to lower their standards and accept it as well.

So as a Father with 2 sons of my own I am thinking through how I can raise them to be a real men.  Men who are ready to lead their generation towards Christ and not conformity to this world.

Please know I do not consider myself perfect nor do I have any lofty ideas that I will do this without mistakes.  But prayerfully with God's guidance when I do fail I will demonstrate repentance to my sons so that they learn even from my sinful shortcomings.

Here are 10 suggestions for truths that we must teach our sons to raise a generation of men, not boys.  These are not intended as a comprehensive list.  Feel free to comment with any you may have that are not on the list and I may include them in future updates to this article.

10 Truths We Must Teach Our Sons

1.) You are valuable

You have value simply because you have been created by God.  No matter what standard the world holds up as criteria for the worth of a man, don’t buy into it.  Even still you have a God-given value and as your father I will help you to see that value so that in turn you glorify God for it and grow to understand what it means to be a real man one day.

2.) Your ‘manliness’ is not determined by the bench press

Physical strength has value in both your physical health and ability to protect others.  However, you are not the sum total of your muscles.  You are not less of a man if you can’t track and kill an animal bare handed, build a car from scratch, and bench press a small train.  You may or may not be able to do any of those things.  There is nothing wrong with any of them. In fact, you may find any or all of them to be incredibly useful skills, but they do not define you. You may be able to do many other things.  First and foremost, real men commit to love God and love/protect their family above themselves.  My prayer is that you always see this modeled in me.

3.) You don’t NEED a girl

Not right away at least.  Take advantage of the time of your childhood and youth to learn what it means to be a Godly man as it relates to your relationship with a woman.  Use your pre-adult life to learn what you need to be to one day be a great husband and father.  God’s Word defines both of these things.  Seek out His truths as your treasure.  You do not learn how to be a husband by dating around and making emotional attachments with girl after girl.  Furthermore your singleness is not a bad thing.  If you are not ready to pursue marriage, you are not ready to have a girlfriend.  Your job as a man is to protect the heart of any woman you know.  From the friendships you develop through that, God will send you a wife who will be the delight of your heart.  I have that delight with your mother and I pray that you see that in the way I treat her. Beginning with your mother and sisters, the girls who you form friendships with in life, on to the woman that you will one day marry and the daughters you may have of your own in the future; strive to protect their hearts.  As your buddies go through relationship after relationship and heartache after heartache, just remember, if you are not prepared to love, care for, and sacrifice your life for her you aren’t ready to marry her.  You must be able to choose to love her the way that Christ chose to love you.

4.) You are ‘cool’ just as you are

This is not intended to inflate your ego or anything and it isn’t to make you believe you aren’t sinful and in need of Christ. (You are a sinner, same as me, and you DO need Christ to rescue you from your sin.)  I want you to know that ‘cool’ is not defined by popularity, athletics, or even academics.  You being satisfied with and pursuing a life that pleases God is all you need to concern yourself with.  At many times that very thing will be the most ‘uncool’ thing you can do according to your peers.  I am not going to be more proud of you for being the star quarterback or straight A student than I am with you simply being who God made you to be; a young man who loves Christ and seeks to put away the sinful flesh in order to pursue Him more.

5.) ‘Boys will be boys’ is a terrible lie!
Of course boys will be boys in the genetic sense.  Boys are born boys and will remain males for their whole lives. You must know that excusing ‘youthful indiscretion’ with the cliché that it’s ok because boys just do those sorts of things is unacceptable.  Hear me clearly that the lust of the flesh and crass crude behavior is natural because of your sin nature but it is not okay.  It is a temptation from Satan that men are prone to give in to all too easily.  You must resolve early on to wage war against those desires now.  Go to God in prayer and ask Him to help you apply His Word and to strengthen you.  Ask Him to protect your mind, eyes, and heart and keep them pure and undefiled.  ‘Boys will be boys’ cannot and will not be used as an escape in my house nor will it be tolerated as acceptable and you will cripple your development into manhood if you buy into this destructive lie.

6.) Your eyes are to desire your wife, not every woman you see

Related to the previous truth, the world will tell you that it is ok to look and lust after any woman you see and find desirable.  This is a lie.  Jesus has said that to look with lust is equal to having committed adultery with her.  You’ve sinned in your heart against God and her in doing so.  While the temptation is common and normal, it is not who God made you to be.  Though portrayed otherwise in most media, women are NOT lesser creatures to men.  They do not exist to fulfill your lustful desires.  You must train your mind to view women as God’s beautiful creation, not a source of lust, no matter how much skin she may be showing off.  It is ok to find a woman attractive and admire the beauty God has given her, but you must be very careful to guard your heart that it goes no further for any woman who is not your wife.  You need to understand that there is great beauty in a woman of modesty, not immodesty.

7.) Love your Mother

I will not always be around.  I will age and one day die just as everyone in this world does.  God has given me sons because you are to protect and lead the family in my absence.  I hope that you see in me that I love your mother deeply.  When I am loving your mother as God has called me to, you will see modeled there how you are to love your wife one day.  I hope that I am training you to do that well and when you fail to do it, as I often do, I hope that you see me repenting and learn repentance yourself.  If you cannot love your mother and sisters, you cannot love a wife.  I will commit to teach you how to love showing you what that looks like.

8.) You have talents and abilities that God has given you

You have talents and abilities and gifts that God has given specifically to you.  He intends for you to use those to glorify Him with them.  If you aren’t using them to His glory you are in danger of sinning.  Pursue those talents with an eye on the cross.  Seek God for wisdom to distinguish between Godly desires and uses for those talents verses worldly ones.

9.) Follow Christ, not the world

Be courageous in the face of opposition to those who would have you go the way of the condemned.  The Bible says that it is the wise that walk in the way of the Lord.  It is he who walks in the way of the Lord who is blessed.  Do not waste your life walking with the fool in their folly.  As you decide what to do and what not to do, filter all of your decisions through Scripture and bathe them in prayer.  Seek counsel from me and other Godly men in your life.  Put no value on the wisdom of fools who do not love Christ.  They will lead you astray.  There is one passion and one alone worth living your life for and it is Christ, nothing else will satisfy. 

10.) I love you

I love you.  I make it my goal to tell you, your brother, your mother, and sisters that on a daily basis.  You are not less of a man for being able to say ‘I love you’ to someone that you love.  In fact it is a Godly attribute to be able to not only say but to show love to those in your life whom you care about. Just as God calls on you to love others, so too He intends for you to express it.  I hope I model that for you.  I want you to hear that I love you because as you grow and feel turned away by this friend or that or experience disappointment I want echoing in your mind that no matter what, I will always love you.  More than that, you must remember that God loves you.  No matter how hard life gets remember God loves you and desires you to trust Him, not the world.  I want you to know that I will always be there for you whether we are celebrating your successes or crying together over failures or talking through your mistakes to learn valuable lessons.  I will always love you.

Family Bookshelf: Parenting by God's Promises by Dr. Joel Beeke

There are countless systems for sale today that all aim to help parents raise their children to be productive members of society.  They teach everything from spanking verses timeout, punishment and reward systems, and numerous psychological approaches.  For any parent worth their salt there may be no greater fear than the fear of failure in raising your children.

That fear is amplified for Christian parents because we not only want our children to succeed in life but we also want to see them grow up to become men and women who love the Lord and lead their families to Christ as well.   The failure of most of what is found in parenting methods being sold today, inside and outside of Christendom, is that it seeks to address behavioral change as the desired goal of successful parenting.  But should that be the goal?  Dr. Beeke does not believe so and neither do I.

Rather than just working to change behavior (which can easily produce legalism in our children) we should instead be seeking to get to the heart of the behavior.  Change the heart of the child and the behavior will change as well.

In "Parenting by God's Promises" Dr. Beeke challeneges parents to adopt a method of parenting that is not new or trendy, rather it is the tried and true Biblical method of raising them up in the fear and admonition of the Lord and trusting God's faithfulness with the results.

For example, instead of being so focused on worrying about who our children marry, let's be equally concerned with teaching them to be "excellent spouses" and model for them what it means and looks like to be a faithful spouse.  Or rather than simply being angry over some infraction, let's sit them down and show them from Scripture why that decision they made was a poor one, a sinful one, and why God's ways are best.  Then, let's not hand out a retributive punishment, but a loving correction that serves to remind them of the lesson they've been taught about the Gospel and trusting God.  ((Yes that loving correction can include a properly administered spanking, not a beating out of anger.))

Further, we needn't try and coerce a decision for Christ out of them at the earliest possible age, but rather lead them to Christ and trust the God who saves to save them as He has saved us and countless others throughout the ages!  Let's teach our children about the God of grace who has so graciously offered up His own Son so that their sins could be forgiven in Him.

I highly recommend this book to any parent who is concerned with raising their child according to Biblical principles.

You can pick this up from Ligonier.org or Amazon.com

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Reformation Trust Publishing through their Blog for a Free Book Program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255: "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising." 

Family Bookshelf: The Donkey who Carried a King by RC Sproul

We recently read the book "The Donkey Who Carried a King" to our children.  It was fantastic!  In his usual style RC illustrates a Biblical principle using an engaging story that children can understand and apply to their own lives.  In this book RC helps children understand that they should carry out every task in their lives without grumbling.  He does it by telling the story of the Donkey who carried Christ into Jerusalem.  Certainly Davey, the donkey, was overjoyed to have such a special task.  After taking Christ to Jerusalem however Davey is put back to seemingly menial tasks for which he begins to grumble.  Through a wonderful depiction of the servant's heart that Christ displayed your children too will see the importance of doing every task without grumbling as though doing it for the Lord directly.

As always this book was Biblical and a delight.  Can't wait for the next children's book release from RC.

Pick it up at Ligonier.org or Amazon.com.



Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Reformation Trust Publishing through their Blog for a Free Book Program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255: "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising." 

Family Bookshelf: The Priest with Dirty Clothes by R.C Sproul

Just finished reading this one with my children.  I found it absolutely fantastic!  It is a great explanation of the transaction that takes place at salvation where we receive Christ's imputed righteousness and He takes our sin.  It puts it in terms that children can understand.  At the end of the book it has several study questions for parents to discuss the book with the kids to help them see the truths of the Gospel and what Christ has done for us.  I read it to my 5 & 4 year old.  It was just a little too long to maintain my four year old's attention the entire time but he enjoyed it nonetheless.

Read as always with your Bible open.  In fact, the great thing about this book.  In the study section it outlines how to transition from talking to your children about the story to moving on the more important facts of the Gospel so that you raise your children in the truths of the Lord.  You can pick this book up from Ligonier.org.


** Please note that I received a review copy of this book from Reformation Trust but was in no way obligated to give a favorable review, just a fair one.

Family Bookshelf: The Prince's Poison Cup by R.C Sproul

As I said in my last post, recently a friend of mine had recommended a couple of great books to me that have aided my wife and I in teaching our children the Gospel in ways they can understand and at the same time don't water down deep truth.  That second book is "The Prince's Poison Cup" by Dr. R.C Sproul.  The Prince in the story represents Christ and the story centers around explaining to children that the work of Christ was to take the cup of God's wrath for our sin.  

It paints a beautiful picture of Christ's death and resurrection for the ungodly against the staggering backdrop of our sin.  You can pick this up from Ligonier Ministries or Amazon.  Our children loved it and it really helped them understand and hopefully this will continue to lead them to a deeper love for Jesus.  Of course our hope, as is the hope of every parent, is that one day God will redeem our children and cover them in Christ's blood.

Hope this is helpful to you!

Family Bookshelf: The Church History ABC's

In addition to Scripture, which should always be first and foremost in our family discipleship, it can also be helpful and valuable to teach your children about "heroes" and "heroines" of the faith.  Teach them about those who have come before them and have given their lives (even unto death in some cases) for the glory of God and the defense of the truth of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  One such book aid for our family has been "The Church History ABC's".  It has been helpful in a three fold way for us.  It has helped us teach both our children some key facts about Christians gone before, it is written simply enough that my 5 year old daughter, who is learning to read, is easily able to read most words, and the alphabet structure has been helpful for my 4 year old son in helping him learn his alphabet.

You can pick this up from Amazon fairly reasonably.

Family Bookshelf: Sammy and His Shepherd by Susan Hunt

If you are a parent who is trying to raise their child to love Jesus then you've no doubt faced the obstacles of communicating deep theological truths to your child in a way that will not only be understandable to them, but in a way that will be meaningful to them as they grow and have an impact on their choices in life.

Meg and I are ALWAYS on the lookout for tools and helps to assist us in communicating the truths of the Gospel to our children.  Recently my friend Brian recommended a couple of books to me that I would like to also recommend to you.  One of those books is "Sammy and His Shepherd" by Susan Hunt.  You can pick it up from Amazon.com or Ligonier.org.  This is a fantastic book to help your children understand how God cares for His children.  It is the story of Sammy, a sheep with a good Shepherd.  He meets a friend and throughout the story he is explaining to his friend how Christ redeems and loves us even though we do nothing to merit that love.

The whole story is an exposition of truths found in Psalm 23 and written in a way that young children can understand.  At the end of every chapter there is a discussion section that will help you lead your children in a discussion over the symbols in the book as they relate to Biblical truth.  Absolutely fantastic and absolutely something that every family should have on their bookshelf!